Totes Mah Goats: 2013

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

My amazing week so far...

I am now at that point in the school year when I genuinely don't give a fuck about anything anymore, and I literally cannot wait for summer to be here. Here is a summary of my week so far:

MONDAY

The last glorious day of my Easter break. Unfortunately, also the last day I had my room and basically my whole dorm to myself. Tomorrow was going to hit me like a pillowcase of bricks in the face because I had two essays due Wednesday morning, both of which I had not started. I also had a quiz in Italian Thursday all about food and forks and the vocabulary list was three pages back-to-back. Plus, I had two art projects to start and finish. Procrastination is a sexy, irresistible bitch.

I did have pancakes, however. That was cool.

TUESDAY

Used to waking up at the ridiculous time of 12:30 for the past five days, getting up for my eight am just felt stupid, and because it was history, I slouched in my seat for an hour and fifteen minutes day dreaming about all the sudoku I could be beasting. all. over. Then I went back to my room and started approximately 20 different sudoku puzzles because I couldn't figure any of them out. While staring blankly at each puzzle, I thought about how I had two essays due the next day. And then I read a book.

After night class, I decided I might as well just finish my book because it was only 10:30 and I could start my first essay at 1:30 and be fine. At 3:30 I started my essay. Up until that time there had been stampedes of high-heeled girls clattering past my window at twenty minute intervals and drunkenly calling each other bitches, two fights, one guy who was quite upset and swearing after fighting with some other guy and guys behind yelling "Let him go. He's not worth it"(which honest to God, I thought that only happened on reality T.V. and that time Ron said it to Hermoine right before she punched Malfoy in the face), a kid who ran right up to my neighbors window and screamed her name for ten minutes straight, and security walking and driving back and forth with constant scratching coming from their walkie-talkies. All of this seemed to be happening RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW. Apparently, everyone and their fucking mother was going out on a Tuesday night.

The second interesting part of my night was the fact that my roommate is sick and has been snoring like the engine of a go-cart and groaning like she's dying slowly of food poisoning. I considered smothering her to put her out of her misery, or just slapping her because it was hella-loud. I did nothing though because I'm not a caveman and I have manners and self-control. She did sit up at 3:30 and look straight at me and asked, "Mike, are you all right?" to which I responded, "Are you all right?" because I was just casually typing on my laptop which isn't anything for her to be worried about, so I assumed she was delirious or something. Suffice to say, we made it until morning, and I didn't sleep a wink. I did finish both my essays though. WOOP.

WEDNESDAY

Today was the first day of the farmers market on campus which I had set up completely on my own and I was pretty excited/tired. I got there about 25 minutes early to help vendors set up, but there was no one there so I turned around and walked back to my room rather than stand in the middle of a flat expanse of land with nothing to do. I returned 12 minutes early and still no one there. I was getting nervous because two of the vendors had just emailed me to say they weren't coming on account of the gods clearly being fucking angry because the wind was 200 mph and made me want to barf. Then two of my vendors showed up, and I immediately felt underprepared because I didn't even know how to communicate effectively with them. They just kept saying how great it was for "such a young girl like [me] to do this all by myself." I felt like an eleventh toe because there were no students around and they didn't need much help so I stood around like an idiot. The moment they left to go park their cars the tent blew completely over knocking over some of the vendor's syrup bottles, and I was left clinging to it while a couple of random students stared at me with judge-y eyes. I tried moving it back in place, but that thing is cumbersome as fuck.

Anyway, when they returned the tamale lady sent me inside the closest building to heat up tamales, and that is how I found myself thinking my life was just a little sad. I was sitting in the lobby of an academic building heating up tamales. I sent the following text to my friend because I was feeling a little self-pity and because I felt like I should be doing something other than sitting on an armchair staring at a pot of tamales: "Dude this sucks. Only two of the vendors showed up, and the wind fucking blew one of the tents over. Now I'm heating up tamales on a fucking bunsen burner in Hancock. What is my life?"

I honestly don't understand how my life has come to be what it is.