In the summer when my mind was at its peak of creativity, I would write down all these funny/weird things that would happen to me--mostly at work. Looking back on my notes written down on slips of receipt paper months later, I've discovered that not one of them is funny. But I haven't posted anything in a while, and it's not like anyone reads this anyway, so I might as well just dump a bunch of shit on the internet. Isn't that what it's for?
These are word-for-word notes:
Little girl: "Mama? Is it true that unicorns exist?" Pause. I think they do because they don't have magic powers, they just have a horn on their head."
The time my art teacher overheard me saying that I hate babies. She asked me if I'd ever held a newborn baby. And I said that it had been traumatizing. She actually had tears in her eyes. I believe she thinks I'm the devil. But then again, she abuses her husband and forces him to make her lunch and pack her an entire package of oreos every trivia Thursday.
Salsa package: "the freshness of your first kiss"--I'm not sure I want to be remembering my first kiss every time I eat salsa...
I just realized how funny the word "nickel" is.
Lamb-chop slippers<<I HAD THOSE!
I'm reading this book and the first chapter seems fine and then boom some prostitute eats some guy with her vagina. Don't you hate it when vagina dentata just happens like that?
Slow motion old person handing me money at work.
Casseroles without the C spells asseroles.
Until now, I thought the phrase "for all intents and purposes" was "for all intensive purposes." I feel like my world has turned upside-down.
Whitney Houston keeping it real.
You're welcome.
