God bless mother fucking America!

Just today, a friend showed me this article. And after I stopped crying from laughter, I started crying for America. Or maybe it was from fear. Of Nicolas Cage. No, not because he is currently the word's holder of the title "Ugliest Man Alive," but because of this. Nic cage is a vampire?

My favorite part is the quote from the seller:

 "Personally, I believe it's him and that he is some sort of walking undead/vampire, et cetera, who quickens/reinvents himself once every 75 years or so. 150 years from now, he might be a policitian, the leader of a cult, or a talk show host."

Although the seller's use of "et cetera" confuses me, I am mostly impressed that he knows that the Nicolas Cage vampire reinvents himself every 75 years. But what does bother me is the poll question: "Do you think this photograph looks like Nicolas Cage?" Apparently, my only choices are "Yes--I believe he is a vampire," "No way--this is ridiculous," or "I don't know." Obviously, it is not possible to think the photo resembles Nicolas Cage and still believe he is mortal. My ideas are clearly too fucking revolutionary for this poll...