Monday, October 22, 2012
I Think I'm Really Funny...
Hey! So I realize that I haven't posted in like a year, but I'm just too lazy for anyone's good to write actual posts. However, not blogging has left a little hole in my sad, lonely life, and now that I'm in college and absolutely no one understands my humor, I figured I would have a little fun with the people in my dorm exclusively for my own enjoyment.
So yesterday, instead of leaving my room or showering or doing anything productive at all, I roamed the internet looking for photos that I could post on my door each day. At first I thought I could be inspiring with funny/cute pictures and maybe a nice little saying or quote, but then I realized I can't even inspire myself to change my shirt even once over the entire weekend. Instead, I amended my little project and am now just posting whatever the fuck I feel like because I find it hilarious and no one else does. It's pretty much always going to be a picture--most likely of Obama doing something weird or Matthew Lewis or an embarrassing photo of myself sleeping or looking like baby rabbit or something. The latter basically screams, "This is what not to do with your life," so maybe I'm being inspiring after all. This is literally all so I can justify how much time I spend on the internet doing absolutely nothing and searching things like, "how to spell smizing."
So yesterday, instead of leaving my room or showering or doing anything productive at all, I roamed the internet looking for photos that I could post on my door each day. At first I thought I could be inspiring with funny/cute pictures and maybe a nice little saying or quote, but then I realized I can't even inspire myself to change my shirt even once over the entire weekend. Instead, I amended my little project and am now just posting whatever the fuck I feel like because I find it hilarious and no one else does. It's pretty much always going to be a picture--most likely of Obama doing something weird or Matthew Lewis or an embarrassing photo of myself sleeping or looking like baby rabbit or something. The latter basically screams, "This is what not to do with your life," so maybe I'm being inspiring after all. This is literally all so I can justify how much time I spend on the internet doing absolutely nothing and searching things like, "how to spell smizing."
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I May or May Not Be Going to Hell...
Last summer I was supposed to read the Bible for my AP English course. I read the beginning but soon realized that God was a sick son of a bitch with a cruel sense of humor. After that story about Lot and his wife who turns into a pillar of salt, I started openly making fun of the Bible to anyone who would listen. The sad part is all my friends thought it was funny. I guess that means we're all a group of heathens, and we will be taking the short bus together to Hell. Anyway this was my interpretation of that particular story...
So Lot is like chillin' and shit in Sodom--ya know that evil place? And then two angels appear, and Lot is like, "Yo. You best be stayin' the night at mah place so I can prepare you some bread without yeast." And finally the angels agree, but then "before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom--both young and old--surrounded the house. They called to Lot, 'Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.'" (<<ACTUAL QUOTE FROM THE BIBLE,YO.) And then Lot's all, "NO way, mothafuckaaahhs. Those are Goddamn angels in there and they're fucking holy. I'll tell you what, you can just take my virgin daughters and do whatever the fuck you want with them.' And then God's like, "Shiiitt, man! Why'd you just do that?" So he tells them to run away, and turns his wife into a fucking pillar of salt. Then Lot's daughters get Lot drunk and have sex with him.
But honestly, does no one else find this a completely ridiculous chain of events? I mean I've always wanted to have a orgy with angels but why do Lot's daughters have sex with him? Also, what does this have to do with Jesus or religion?
So Lot is like chillin' and shit in Sodom--ya know that evil place? And then two angels appear, and Lot is like, "Yo. You best be stayin' the night at mah place so I can prepare you some bread without yeast." And finally the angels agree, but then "before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom--both young and old--surrounded the house. They called to Lot, 'Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.'" (<<ACTUAL QUOTE FROM THE BIBLE,YO.) And then Lot's all, "NO way, mothafuckaaahhs. Those are Goddamn angels in there and they're fucking holy. I'll tell you what, you can just take my virgin daughters and do whatever the fuck you want with them.' And then God's like, "Shiiitt, man! Why'd you just do that?" So he tells them to run away, and turns his wife into a fucking pillar of salt. Then Lot's daughters get Lot drunk and have sex with him.
But honestly, does no one else find this a completely ridiculous chain of events? I mean I've always wanted to have a orgy with angels but why do Lot's daughters have sex with him? Also, what does this have to do with Jesus or religion?
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