Hypothetically, if I were to eat an entire package of bacon, what would be my chances of dying within the following 24 hours?



Should I call a doctor?










Seriously. Should I?

IDK Mah BFF Conor...

Hey guess what?! Tomorrow is my best friend's 18th birthday! And you should care because he's the most amazing person I've ever known. He's stylish, absolutely hilarious, and he understands me like no one else; he's my soul mate...so happy birthday, Conor! Here are some photos of us over the years...

Oh Christina...

You know what's sad? Christina Aguilera. And the fact that she just blew right up like my "Watch it Grow Jesus." I don't mean to be a superficial bitch but fat is just not working on her. I mean honestly, has no one else seen the resemblance between Snooki and her? It's fucking uncanny. Let me show you:

Okay so I couldn't find a full body shot of Snooki. And surprisingly enough, all the photos of her combined don't equal the wreck that is the Christina picture above. But I think the resemblance is in the way their boobs seem to come up as if trying to eat their faces. I don't know...maybe it's just me, but I never really got into the whole fad of wearing push-up bras to hide the fact that I have a neck.

UPDATE: I found a picture of Christina that more closely resembles the Snooki photo above.

Okay, so maybe it's still not that great, but I swear I didn't make this whole thing up. I just think the way the weight spread out is weird. It's like they're still small, but they just have chubby faces and little dwarf arms.